I Was Sad for Her

I was at the grocery store yesterday morning picking up some donuts and chocolate milk as a special treat. I wanted to surprise my five children and my four nieces and nephews that were visiting us for the weekend. We don't get to see cousins very often. We don't live close to family on my side or my husband's side. It is always a treat when we get to have family visit.

While sitting at the checkout counter thinking about the kids' smiles when they saw the donuts, I overheard two of the store employees talking. The younger of the two was recently married and was telling the other lady that she and her new husband did not want to have children. My heart immediately hurt for this young woman. Literally, my heart ached.

Raising my children is the most challenging thing that I have ever done and will ever do in my life. I can't even begin to know what lies ahead of us in the next 15 to 20 years of their lives. However, I will never regret bringing these children into the world and into my life. Because of my children I know how to serve with complete love. I have more patience and compassion. It is a blessing that I can't always be thinking about myself. I must take care of the needs of the five people that depend on me.

It is a blessing to see my children succeed. It is amazing to watch them overcome challenges. They make me a better person, truly. I pray for them, I cry for and with them. I have been extremely frustrated with each one of them. There have been times I have hid in my room with the door locked and wondered how I could continue on. I always do, because I have to. They need me.

I am extremely aware that there are those people who are unable to have children themselves. The Lord has a plan for everyone. For those that can have children and choose not to, I am sad for you. You can't even comprehend what you are denying yourselves. I can not describe it to you fully.

In "The Family- A Proclamation to the World", it states,
"THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife."

We live in a day and age where people are way too concerned about "self". Too much is centered on what "I deserve". If we took half of the time that people thought about themselves and dedicated to serving and loving others, including our children, what an amazing world this would be. 

The Lord Looks on the Heart

The day happened seven years ago.  I can still clearly picture myself sitting behind the steering wheel in my hot minivan in the parking lot of the church.  The air was stagnant inside, as it sometimes is, when a car sunbathes atop asphalt for a few hours.  My kids and I were waiting for my youngest brother, Jeff, to come out to the car after our Sunday meetings.  Jeff opened the front passenger side door and jumped up onto the seat. He immediately turned his face away from me. “What’s wrong?” was my instant response to the heaviness that seemed to surround him.

Jeffrey was seventeen years old at the time and always had drama of some kind surrounding him. After being teased and bullied at the schools where he was from, my parents decided it would be best if he moved and started fresh somewhere else. I happened to live across the country with my own little family and I was the most reasonable solution. While the arrangement seemed to be working out, there were certainly challenges.

My brother turned his head slightly toward me and mumbled something about being fine. In the brief moment that he was facing me I saw the tears in his eyes and the look of someone trying to hold it together. “You are obviously not fine.” I quickly responded, feeling a little exasperated. The big sister in me wanted to fix everything for him.

Jeff finally let the hurt burst from him as he explained the scene that had just taken place. One of his church leaders had pulled him aside to give him some “helpful tips”. He let Jeff know that if he would just walk in a more masculine way and talk in a more masculine way, people would not make fun of him or tease him.

To some that might not seem like such a big deal. For my baby brother, Jeffrey, it was a direct hit to his self-esteem. He had worked so hard to fit in to this new place. He just wanted to be accepted for who he was. He didn’t want to try to be who everyone else thought he should be. It was all physically exhausting. To hear those words from an adult, a person who he thought he could trust, was even more shattering. The very way he walked and talked told people that he was not “masculine”.

I couldn’t just sit there and let this happen. I handed my keys over to the crushed young man and told him to take the kids home, I had to talk to Jeff’s leader. He mildly protested out of embarrassment. I told him that I would take care of it and sent him on his way. I am sure he cringed as he watched me march into the building. What he couldn’t see was the desperate prayer I was sending up on his behalf and on mine.

As I walked into the church building I quickly scanned the area inside the doors. My good friend, Sherise, was visiting with a group of people nearby. Her son was friends with Jeff, and she knew him well. I approached her and quietly asked her if she could help me. My intention was not to corner the man that made the comments, but to have someone with me that would have a calming presence. I hurriedly explained the situation before seeking out Jeff’s leader.

It didn’t take me long to track him down. I was trembling a little and obviously upset. I am sure my request to meet with him was startling. We ducked into a side room and sat down. Sherise walked behind me and stood with her hands on my shoulders. I felt her strength and support instantly.

With slow tears coming down my face I explained to this man that my brother was hurting. I told him that Jeff had a history of being bullied and just wanted to be accepted. While his comments to my brother were intended to be helpful, they did not come from a place of love or understanding. This man did not fully comprehend my words at that moment, but I could see that he was considering them.  I went home and considered my words as well.  Many times I had made comments to my brother that I told myself were helpful, when in reality were not coming from a place of love or understanding.

A few months went by and Jeff’s leader apologized to him. He explained that he had not taken the time to get to know Jeff, but after watching him, could see what a good and caring young man he was. Jeff and I had already forgiven him, but I know Jeff appreciated his apology.

That Sunday afternoon a seed was planted in my heart. Being masculine does not mean that a man plays football and can lift heavy weights, just like being feminine does not mean that a woman wears red lipstick and high heels. Being described as masculine or feminine means that a person honors and respects the divine role of their gender. I needed to change those cultural definitions in my head so that I could more fully love my brother.  This lesson has stayed with me and I am grateful for it.  I have learned to look past the stereotypes of our culture and see that people are trying. The Lord loves us and does not look on the outward appearance, but looks on the heart.

Our Country and Religious Freedom

I love the 4th of July. I love celebrating with my family. My parents always taught me to be respectful and grateful for the blessing of living in this country. They also taught me that freedom really does not come without a price. There are people and families that have made large sacrifices so that we can have the freedom that we enjoy today.
The pilgrims came to this country because they were looking for religious freedom. They wanted to be able to worship the way that they chose.

As part of the doctrine of our church we are taught;
We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

I was recently told about a friend's sister who currently lives in Saudi Arabia. Their home is bugged. They are not able to say the word "Jesus" in their home. They can not sing religious songs with their children at home. They are only allowed one set of scriptures. Their phones are checked regularly for apps that the government feels are not appropriate. Learning these things gave me an even greater appreciation for my religious freedom.

I am so very grateful that I can teach my children. I am thankful that we can have religious discussions, and that my kids are free to ask the questions that they have. I am grateful for uplifting music in my home. I am grateful for family prayer and scripture reading. I am grateful that I can turn to scripture when I am feeling sad, upset, or just needing inspiration.

There are those that feel that religious freedom should be done away with. This is a right that we should always defend and speak out for. My heart is full when I think of what my religious freedom has enabled me to become in my life.

Happy Birthday, America. May the Lord bless us all!